My road to recovery | Submitted thoughts and stories

Home

Stories

Submitted thoughts and stories

My road to recovery

Author: James Hannah
Published: 1st March 2011

In the late 1980's, after being the victim of an assault which had serious consequences both physically and psychologically, James himself committed an offence and was admitted to hospital for psychiatric assessment. After five years he moved on to rehabilitation and is now successfully building a life in his home community. He continues to live under a Compulsion Order and Restriction Order but is constantly working towards the life he wants with education playing a key role.

I grew up in a small village and although we struggled to make ends meet I had a happy childhood where I made my own entertainment. My father was a miner and my mother was always ill due to taking a stroke when she was 29. I was the second youngest of four and I had a real academic interest but there was no space or support to accomplish my ambitions.

I did reasonably well and left secondary school equipped for the wide world with four Highers and seven O Levels. I decided to pursue a career in engineering and enrolled at the local college for an HND in Mechanical Engineering which I found, at the time, a considerable challenge. I graduated in 1978 and found a job with a local firm in Hamilton.

I was never very happy with my career choice – taking a risk and working at heights I decided wasn’t my forte and decided to return to study for a degree at university in Glasgow. I didn’t complete it as I felt mechanical engineering wasn’t for me. I decided to change career direction and as opportunities were scarce at that time, when I saw an advert for a training course in Electrical and Electronic Engineering at a college in Tyne and Wear I decided to apply. I thought my ability to think in numbers was more suited to this discipline of engineering. I enjoyed both the course and being away from home however afterwards I could not find suitable employment.

I came back home and eventually found a job with a company as a Technical Assistant constructing the overheads on the railway line between Ayr and Glasgow in 1985. In March 1986 I was the victim of a serious assault which was both devastating physically and psychologically. This triggered a series of events which led me to commit a serious offence in November 1988.

I was arrested and admitted to a hospital for a Psychiatric assessment. At my trial in February 1989 I was deemed to be insane and unfit to plead. The psychiatrist who interviewed me said to the court that with a period of time in hospital I would respond to treatment. I was then detained indefinitely in a psychiatric hospital for treatment and I thought I was never going to get out. I remember thinking how was I ever going to get out of this one. In the five years I spent there my self confidence disappeared and my motivational skills reduced to zero. I felt I was never really understood and the environment was depressive. In my experience if you suffer from a mental illness the last place you want to be is a Psychiatric Hospital.

In 1993 I moved to a rehabilitation unit more local to my home and continued to have contact with my family which was very therapeutic for me. I stayed there for three years and enjoyed the extra freedoms. It was more like communal living as I shared with others where we had a food budget and cooked for each other. I was elated when I was told that I was to move out to the community and live in supported accommodation in the area where I grew up. It was great to have my own flat and actually choose my own furniture which felt as if I had more control over my own affairs and environment. I felt that I was finally moving on – I was putting my past to rest.

In the early years of living in my own flat I would not do anything constructive in trying to recover from my experience in hospital. I needed some time to get my bearings and along with being full of negative feelings I didn’t feel as if I had any hope for my future. While I felt that I had become free of the limitations that being in hospital had placed on me I still felt obliged to take the advice of my support team. By living in the community I felt I could start to set my own agenda, even deciding basics things such as what time to get up and go to bed at or what I would watch on TV. I felt great to be making decisions for myself and this greatly increased my confidence as I no longer had to live with a regime set by others and which held no stimulation for me. I started to think more about my future and my keyworker from the housing support team would encourage me by saying “You have got a lot of talent and you are just sitting here wasting your time”. Her saying this was a turning point for me as I realised that I did have more to offer and I was just letting life pass me by. I decided that ‘I’m not accepting my situation’ anymore and talked with my psychiatrist about how I felt and she agreed that there was no reason why I couldn’t achieve my aspirations if I put my mind to it. I talked with her about how I felt I had a lot of experience to offer and wanted to get back to work. I felt there was something missing in my life so it was important for me to have a focus on something again. I had been out of work for so long my only option seemed to be voluntary work in the hope that it would lead to paid employment. Through the voluntary work my confidence and self esteem grew but I now felt I needed a bigger challenge. Learning is important to me and I decided to go back to college.

I decided to enrol at a local college in order to complete an HNC in Business Studies and I felt really boosted when I graduated in June 2008. I felt so elevated that despite all the difficulties I am still confronted with in life I had achieved a major qualification. This gave me the confidence to tackle a degree and I enrolled for a BA in Business Studies where I hope to graduate in 2011. In my experience there is nothing like pursuing an academic challenge to boost your confidence.

Living in supported accommodation helped me re-establish my basic routines in life again such as making my own meals. The freedom I now feel I have is liberating as I now can do the things I want, when I want, such as going to the pictures and the beach. Going to the beach is a great pastime of mine which I find calming and therapeutic. I would say that my studying coupled with support has proved to be crucial in my recovery.

I feel my life is back on track and with support from the mental health team I’m looking forward to seeking suitable employment. I have had to co-operate with my clinical team, even if at times I haven’t agreed, as rebelling against them didn’t achieve anything and got me nowhere. I have come a long way since I was first admitted to hospital. I’m trying to maximise my potential within the community but I do feel the CORO (Compulsion Order and Restriction Order) I presently still have to live under makes this endeavour a considerable challenge. Nevertheless I live in hope that things will change in the future. In the world of business and employment there is a tendency for employers to discriminate against people in similar positions to myself and I still think this needs to be challenged. I have a lot to offer and honestly feel that one incident shouldn’t have as much control over my whole life as mine has. To me I am proof that people can recover from mental illness and very challenging life circumstances.

I think with a positive attitude and willingness to learn you can overcome any catastrophe in life. For me, the catastrophe was when I was attacked and the impact on my life instigated a series of events that tore my life apart like a row of dominoes collapsing. It’s important to remember that I have come out the other side and that is a possibility for anyone in a similar situation. It is not easy but with the appropriate grit and determination you can overcome anything. I hope whoever reads this story will understand that mental illness can affect anyone and your life, for whatever reason, can fall apart without notice and if you are not careful can lead to very serious consequences.

I really hope my story will be inspirational for someone in a similar situation. I look forward to a productive future and to achieve even further academic qualifications.

If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences of recovery, then contact the Scottish Recovery Network on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

Click here to go back to previous page

Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.