Managing Manic Depression | Submitted thoughts and stories

Home

Stories

Submitted thoughts and stories

Managing Manic Depression

Author: Shona McNab Cannon
Published: 08 November 2006

Shona McNab Cannon shares her personal insight, coping strategies and self management techniques for living with Bi-polar disorder (manic depression) with the aim of explaining how it feels and what can help and hinder to those with little experience of the condition.

Sitting here just now I would say that I am in the throes of mild mania, but I know what I can do to stabilize myself again. I also know that it is my own fault that I am mildly manic. I have not told anyone around me that I am feeling this way because I think I can nip it in the bud.

Last week I asked my CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) how I can get involved with Mental Health Awareness and he said that he is trying to encourage a two day Mental Health First Aid course here on Arran, primarily for staff; but he sees no reason why I can’t get involved too, and I would be able to speak from the perspective of someone with a mental illness. My sister would also like to learn more.

I thought this document might be useful to keep for my own future reference, and I also hope it can be used to educate anyone wanting a better understanding of Manic Depression.

Relaxation, sleep and concentration

Firstly, stable or manic I find it very hard to relax. The only way I find I can is by having a bath. When I feel anxious or strung out a bath, burning lavender oil and listening to mellow music helps. Exercise is also great, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me when I’m manic because it can have the opposite effect - I have been known to become euphoric and high on the adrenaline. Although expensive, going for a massage where I have no choice but to relax is also great.

I realise I have become mildly manic when I haven’t been getting the right amount of sleep for a couple of weeks. I’m generally not an early to bed person and I can’t remember when I last went to sleep this side of midnight. I have been known to use sleeping tablets to help me, but only when I think I’m not going to get an adequate amount of sleep. Physically and mentally my body needs eight hours sleep to run smoothly. More often than not I only give myself six hours, which to some people is a bonus, but for me personally it’s not enough.

Why don’t I try and go to bed earlier? It’s my sister’s bugbear when I say ‘I have things to do’; I have to admit I always seem to have things to do. I don’t watch TV, and haven’t done so for at least eighteen months. I don’t have the concentration for it and feel there are so many more things I can do with my time. I don’t read, again because I don’t have the concentration for it. The only book I have read in the past two years was a book recommended by my Psychiatrist Dr Lock; Kay Redfield Jamieson’s Biography ‘An un-quiet mind’ (a psychiatrist with Manic Depression). It was a very interesting read and, thankfully for me, her Manic Depression seemed to be more out of control than my own - perhaps I manage mine better, I have a feeling that Kay gets too lost in the productivity of it all sometimes.

Early warning signs:

Racing thoughts - let me explain what ‘racing thoughts’ are. They are not sinister, they are not depressive; at this moment in time they are plans, ideas & projects in my head that I want done all at once. Realistically these ideas are so extensive that any stable person would need months to complete them but, as the ideas flow, the lists grow. None of the ideas are weird or wacky, they are all manageable in the right context providing I can slow my thoughts down. If I don’t, I run the risk of feeling euphoric - sleeping less to get the projects done and eating little because there isn’t time because my head is so productive. I am conscious of the money I have spent in the past when my head has been filled with ideas, so I am consciously not letting that happen to the same extent again.

When I have been sectioned in the past, the plans, ideas & projects have become too grandiose, and I have passed any point where I can sleep and have required heavy sedation to knock me out. The first time I was admitted to hospital, six years ago, I begged to be admitted to psychiatric care because I ‘couldn’t switch my thoughts off’.

Not getting enough sleep - not wanting to sleep because I haven’t finished the idea that’s in my head. I have such high expectations of myself without mania, that when I become manic the expectations become uncontrollable and I can literally feel that I am invincible. I feel I must deliver whichever project is in my head NOW rather than later, but the only person that wants it done imminently is myself. The high expectations and want for perfection takes over; it’s almost like having a compulsive organisational disorder if there is such a thing. Sleep becomes my last priority, which is ironic because it’s lack of sleep primarily that makes me manic. It is imperative to my mental health that I catch up on my sleep now and SLOW DOWN physically and mentally. It would be very easy for me just now to get completely lost in one of my projects and lose myself in it so much that I would let sleep take a back seat. By not being able to sleep when I have been manic in the past I have been caught in the throes of housework in the early hours of the morning because I cannot slow down the ‘racing thoughts’ and the want to get things done.

Loss of appetite - this happens because I am so ‘busy’ / productive that I don’t feel there is time to eat and sometimes I even forget about food. Just now I have my dinner beside me because I have made a conscious effort to prepare it. I have noticed physically that the weight is dropping off me just now, and I haven’t had the time to exercise for the past week; I think it has been the reduced food in-take because I have been too busy. But I’m not starving myself.

Verbal diarrhoea - I can’t think of a better term. I caught myself at work starting on one subject when my head is filled with many, where I could quite easily start a paragraph, and without taking a breath, have finished what I am saying and have covered five different topics. That’s the rate my head works at. But I am very much aware of this just now and have stopped myself speaking out loud. I find it helps me to isolate myself from people when I am manic, although not in a depressive or reclusive way. People have commented in the past about how exhausting my company can be, even more so when I have verbal diarrhoea.

Stress - I’d say that during three years of working for Arran HideAways my working life had never been without stress, but there are good stresses and bad.

At work the stresses were an adrenaline rush and I thrived on it, but there have been an accumulation of other stressful events in the past three weeks, in and outside work, which I have unconsciously let affect my health. I’d say that stress is the worst offender for inducing Mania, and stress mixed with lack of sleep is dangerous. The recent triggers have been out-with my control; for instance, the lack of sleep was not my fault, but I admit that when the mild mania began and the ideas started to flow I have been slightly caught up in the productivity of it all to the point that my physical health has suffered. I do think if the last three weeks had been much less stressful, then mentally and physically I would be fine.

Triggers:

I have always said that a person’s stability and sanity depends in part on the things that life throws at you. I’d say that it is only because I have had a fairly idyllic life on Arran for the past few years that I have managed to maintain a healthy mental balance; Arran has been a great healer for me. I will nip this episode of mild mania in the bud; but if I had different living circumstances or a different job or different friends, had I chosen not to make serious life changes for myself for the better, then I dare say that I would have been yo-yoing, like so many people and friends with mental health problems, in and out of hospital over the past few years.

How do I manage Manic Depression?

I think because I live on Arran and my doctors trust me not to abuse prescriptions, I have benefited from having a supply of sleeping tablets, and I always have haliperidol (anti psychotic) in my medicine box. There isn’t the necessity for me to use either unless: a: my thoughts are racing (haliperidol helps), b: I feel anxious (haliperidol helps), c: I can’t sleep / don’t think I am going to sleep (sleeping tablets help). I don’t need to use either medication very often, but just now I feel comfortable in the knowledge that they are here should I need them.

I would say that anyone with a mental health issue is playing with fire by abusing dope or alcohol, but it’s very difficult when you’re in a rut and can’t see a way out from dependency. Exercise for me these days is what I get high on. I very rarely drink alcohol as I don’t really like the sensation of being drunk anymore and don’t appreciate the hangovers, these days I just have a good night out without it.

In the past, when I have been at the point where doctors and my CPN have felt the need to section me, I have been completely and utterly unable to stop the racing thoughts; I hadn’t been sleeping for days because I was ‘high’ (too talkative, too full of energy even though I hadn’t slept, too grandiose with my ideas) to sleep and I had virtually stopped eating and drinking liquid. The latter is particularly dangerous because Lithium is a salt based medication, and usually I don’t go anywhere without liquid as I can easily feel dehydrated. Leading up to moments like these in the past I have been in complete desperation, dependant on dope thinking it would relax me, thinking it would help me sleep. I think really I was using it instead of prescribed medication, at that time I did not have sleeping pills and my own supply of Haliperidol to take when necessary.

Manic Depression is very much about self-management and I am thankful that I have these two medications to take if required. I have never completely ruled cannabis out for causing my depression in the first place, before Manic Depression was diagnosed. I heard part of a debate on Radio Two yesterday, which was complete news to me about Cannabis Psychosis - I don’t think there is enough awareness about this. I gave up dope for my own sanity eight years ago. I know for a fact that I had abused it through the seriously misguided belief that it would help me sleep; actually that’s probably what contributed to being sectioned last time. I had a couple of draws of a joint about three years ago and it just reminded me how paranoid it makes me, so I haven’t touched it since.

Antidepressants:

I have never said to anyone that they shouldn’t take anti-depressants, but I will share my story to explain why I don’t think they are suited to me. On my first section, approximately six years ago, I took antidepressants (Seroxat 20mg I think). I had been smoking dope, had been in a mentally abusive relationship for two and a half years, and for the most part of that relationship I had been on the contraceptive injection; to me they are three triggers for mental health problems to begin with. I took myself out of that situation, came back to Arran, and was prescribed anti-depressants. I’m almost positive that had I not taken them and made improvements to my life myself that there may not have been the need for them, but I do not blame anyone for my prescription. I was a nervous bubbling wreck with no self worth, feeling there was nothing to live for, my head was empty; I had no conversation, no vision, nothing to look forward to, a huge black cloud over me. I had been going home from a great job, with sensible and educated friends, to a life I was ashamed of - crying uncontrollably for nights on end. I’m pretty sure my circumstances back then and dope smoking caused my depression. I realise that I am not a Doctor, and what I am about to say may be spoken out of turn, but these are my personal feelings.

The contraceptive injection did not agree with me, and I personally never intend touching another anti depressant in my life again. If I ever become depressed again in the future then I’d like to think I can work my way through it without the need of antidepressants. I believe that for me, being Bi-Polar, is that the serotonin levels in my brain were too high. Before the last two admissions to Crosshouse, a psychiatric care facility, I had been taking antidepressants which, when diagnosed manic, were immediately stopped. I strongly believe that the drugs administered to me during my psychiatric admission caused delusional thoughts, especially the injection. But I’m not going to start talking about my in-patient drug administration, solely because I was at that time so heavily sedated and delusional that I was unable to wash and dress myself, never mind remember the majority of my in-patient stay. This is possibly a good thing that I don’t remember, but its terrifying when I read my psychiatric notes from this time.

I am very thankful that I now have an advance statement in place, setting out which medication/s I prefer to be administered should I ever be admitted to psychiatric care again. I don’t ever intend letting that happen, but I hope that the advance statement will be enacted if it did. I recommend anyone with mental health issues to implement one ASAP. I still stand by what I said at the Mental Welfare Seminar in Saltcoats; I think Advanced Statements should be made by EVERYONE regardless of being diagnosed with a mental illness or not. You never know in life, probably when you least expect it, when you may be hit with a mental health problem, and I think triggers play a huge part.

I know when I am slightly manic because my thyroid annoys me and my face burns up, which always reminds me that I need to drink more liquid. I should take more notice of the physical alerts to mania as well. I think what that’s trying to tell me is it’s time I should slow down. I am not going to start the idea that I had diarised for tonight, instead I am going to go and take a long bath and have an early night.

I hope, if anything, that this has helped those who don’t know what Manic Depression is to better understand it from someone who experiences it first hand. I always knew even when I was a child that something wasn’t quite right, and although Manic Depression isn’t curable, for me it’s manageable. I’m just thankful I was diagnosed when I was, because I don’t think I’d be here today to tell the tale otherwise.

If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences of recovery then contact us on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

Click here to go back to previous page

Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.