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Stories Submitted thoughts and stories Lipstick, hair pieces, charity shops, family and friends - My coping tools
Stories Submitted thoughts and stories Lipstick, hair pieces, charity shops, family and friends - My coping tools
Lipstick, hair pieces, charity shops, family and friends - My coping tools |
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Author: Fiona Bissett Published: 29 June 2009 In her story Fiona Bisset talks about her coping strategies and the things that have supported her on her recovery journey. Fiona talks about how simple things like lipstick, hair pieces and charity shops have helped her cope during difficult times. She also talks about the support she has received from her family and friends. May seem like a strange title but to me it says it all. Lipstick, hair pieces, charity shops, family and friends have got me through so much over the years. Let me explain. If I’ve got no lipstick, I know I’m at the bottom. But as things start to get improve I move through the beige lipstick, to the pink lipstick, to the strong red lipstick when I’m at my most confident. As for the hair pieces and wigs, I’ve had alopecia for years. Sometimes it’s a single spot, and other times I lose hair in big chunks. To make matters worse, at times I’ve taken the scissors and at some bad times the ’No. 2’ clippers to my hair. As we all know a woman’s hair is classed as her crown and glory but during my bad time to me it feels as if it’s invading my body so it has to go. When I get over the bad spell I’m usually in tears because of what’s happened to my hair. I didn’t realise until a few years ago that this is a form of self harming. Having hair pieces and wigs helps to give me a bit of confidence and helps to get me through the rough times and sustain me during the better times. Charity shops have got me through so much as well. Going into “normal” shops can be very upsetting size wise usually shops that cater for small sizes. I’m 16-18, but was 18–20½ (Can’t forget the ½, mainly due to the cost!) When you’re on benefits or low income it’s upsetting to be told at every turn you can’t afford many things, whereas in a charity shop most things are affordable. It’s a great feeling to look at racks of clothes that are affordable and the buzz of finding a bargain is lovely. I was out shopping recently in a High Street store and said to my friend how I used to buy my clothes from this store years ago when I was well enough to work. I then proceeded to drool over the racks of clothes that were well out of my price range. On my next visit to the charity shop, I found two pieces from this store for a total of£3.98! It cheered me up no end. I moved from Scotland down to England 2 ½ years ago and have worked to keep in touch with people and organisations in Scotland that helped to keep me grounded. I have lovely friends who send me notes and phone me, they have stuck by me for years now. My family have also been important, my sons and their wives and children, my wonderful and special Dad, and my amazing husband and his family, who all accept as I am and treat me just the same as everyone else. When we moved to England, I knew it was important to have a mental health support system. The move was tough and I spent the first six months dealing with serious agoraphobia. Support from family and friends back home helped me get through those first six months. I was also assigned a really helpful CPN who encouraged me to attend local groups, which I started to do bit by bit. I am now actively involved in many local groups, mental health focused and not, and these are the saviours that get me through the weeks. Now my life is so much easier and I’m enjoying it! I’m grateful to my husband for encouraging me to go to these groups, as well as all the other group members and organisers and friends that I’ve made for being supportive and understanding. We moved villages recently and we now have a proper home again, which does so much for my mental stability. No matter what the world throws at you if you can come home, close the door and “let go”, it gives you an incredible sense of security. Moving villages meant that I might have had to leave the groups I had been attending but fortunately I qualified for a bus pass and have been able to travel to them. Having that consistency and support has been invaluable. I did have to change CPNs though and my new CPN recommended that I give counselling a go. I met a wonderful counsellor, who helped me deal with a lot of anger I felt about various issues and it was amazing to finally feel some peace at last. I’m very grateful to the counsellor for her support. The people who have given me the most amazing support over the years have been my husband, my Dad and my sons. I’ve been married four times and I have always found emotions and feelings difficult to deal with. Sometimes I can’t even deal with myself, let alone a marriage and children’s needs. But then I met my husband. When I’m bad he says “go to bed and I’ll be here when you are able to get up” and true to his word he’s done it for four years now. He is patient and understanding but takes no nonsense in the right measures. My wonderful Dad kept my sister and me safe and together as a single Dad in the 60’s. He worked full time but made sure to support and nurture his girls. My Dad has always looked out for me, even when he has been in tough situations; he has always made the effort to offer me support. He is an amazing man. I am grateful to my sons as well, who have offered me comfort and support over the years. I sometimes feel awful that they had to experience it with me and I often want to apologise and explain to them what it’s been like for me. But my boys have stood by me and supported me during some of my toughest times and for that I am thankful. It’s wonderful how knowing I have the support of such wonderful people, a bit of makeup, a hair piece and some well chosen charity shop items can get you through so much. So this explains my choice of title, these are the things that help me to cope. A huge lesson I’ve learnt over the years, is that you can’t run away from your mental health. Wherever you go, your mental health goes with you and you have to take care of it. It’s no good putting your head in the clouds and pretending it does not matter. It does matter, and you need to look after it. Below is a poem I wrote one day when the friends, makeup, hair pieces and charity shop visits weren’t enough to help me cope. It made me smile and I hope it will help others to as well. When did it change! From more-more to Please! No more Here before you I stand Dressed up, plumped up and squeezed in, Perfumed and made up. Attend my group, before you I stand “You look good today” “That skirt sure does your figure show” The hair dye has done its job “Is that really not your own hair today?” I thank you all warmly for your praise and kindly thoughts today I go home – now it begins I take off the clips and all the bits Hair piece – make up goes Off comes the sandals – bra handles It all has to go Magic pants – I do declare Is that me standing there!? And my husband shouts out No more. If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences of recovery then contact us on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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