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Stories Submitted thoughts and stories Goodbye Ana
Stories Submitted thoughts and stories Goodbye Ana
Goodbye Ana |
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anxiety | cognitive therapy | creativity | female | hospital | isolation | medication | peer support (informal) and befriending | self harm | self management | spirituality | support from friends | support from mental health professionals | taking control | trauma
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Author: Kate Le Page Published: 9 March 2010 Kate’s story details her recovery from anorexia, which developed following a bout of glandular fever in her final year at school. Support from peers, professionals, and a fellow member of her church have all been key in supporting her recovery. I’m Kate, 31, and relieved to be able to say that today I am in recovery from anorexia. Recovery to me has been a long, painful process involving therapy, hospitalisations and learning to change my anorexic thoughts and behaviour patterns, primarily through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Analytical Therapy (CAT). At school I would hide in the library to avoid having to sit with my peers in the dining area for lunch. I felt so isolated and disgusted at my body that the very thought of having to eat in front of people made me extremely anxious. During my final year I developed a severe bout of glandular fever. My already small appetite completely disappeared and my energy levels crashed. While several of my friends also suffered from the same virus they quickly recovered, but I was unable to shake it off and remained unwell for over a year. By the time I was at university my eating was totally out of control and a pattern of starving, bingeing, over-exercising, diet pills and self-harm became deeply ingrained. Despite my house-mate telling me that she feared that, one morning I would not wake up, I still didn’t feel ‘sick’ enough to warrant the diagnosis of anorexia. In fact I felt totally invincible and in control of my life. The reality of course was that with every dropped pound I lost more than the weight. I had begun to suffer black-outs and my mind was racing most of the time and I threw myself into my degree believing that if I achieved more I would somehow feel ok again. Following graduation in 2001 I decided I could no longer exist enslaved to the disease and the time had arrived to seek out more intensive treatment. Up until this point I had seen numerous doctors, attended support groups, and received out-patient care. Multiple medications had been prescribed to no avail; some of which had actually caused me to lose more weight! I knew that if I did not get help soon, anorexia would achieve her ultimate goal...another wasted life. In October 2002, I entered an Eating Disorders Unit (EDU). Nothing could have prepared me for the mentally, emotionally and physically challenging work that lay ahead. Eating 3,000 calories a day and having limited exercise felt unbearable at times, and were it not for the tremendous support from doctors, therapists, nurses and, most significantly, other in-patients, it would have been virtually impossible. The most humiliating part of treatment was being weighed in my underwear twice a week, and having to ask nurses to unlock my bathroom door. But I gained huge benefits from some of the groups, such as CBT, and I had a fantastic therapist who enabled me to understand the illness and recovery process. However, despite writing my ‘Step 1’ and trying to convince everyone I was ‘in recovery’ I had secretly been bingeing on my visits home as a means to reach target and be discharged quicker. My therapist and the EDU manager both tried to convince me that I needed to stay longer but just before Christmas my Consultant agreed to my discharge. I returned home physically stronger but mentally I was still very low. Within four months I was readmitted. This time I gave it everything I could as I knew that life on the outside with anorexia was sheer hell. The second admission was much harder than the first as I had to learn to be honest about my feelings and work through some traumatic experiences. However, I made some very close friends and we spent much time laughing, crying and singing together! I found that through experiencing the changes necessary for recovery with those close to me, I gained strength and received a new perspective on the whole process. By summer 2003 I was ready to return home and had an excellent care team in place. For the next 2 years, I saw my GP, dietician, therapist and eating disorder Consultant regularly, and attended weekly OA groups. A further key part of my recovery involved being ‘discipled’ (mentored) by a lovely, supportive woman from my church. This continues to this day, and I have found my faith and my ‘Church on the Rock’ family to be a significant factor in maintaining recovery. The past 6 years have seen me experience wonderful times of freedom from anorexia as well as periods of desperation and relapse. I see recovery as something I choose daily, by deciding to follow my menu plan, stick to my exercise contract, take my medication and continue working with my Cognitive Analytical therapist. Today, I read as much as I can about CBT and CAT approaches to recovery, and have recently put together a book about my journey, entitled “Goodbye Ana”, which includes information about what has helped me to remain well. In addition to her story, Kate has published a range of resources on her website, including poetry, recovery tips, and videos. She has also published a book ‘Goodbye Ana’, which is available from Chipmunkapublishing. If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences of recovery then contact us on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story Tags
activism community/socialising/inclusion coping strategies creativity depression employment (+) exercise female hospital male medication medication (-) peer support (informal) and befriending seeing things differently self knowledge/learning/growth self management sense of self support from family support from friends support from mental health professionals supportive spouse/partner taking control talking therapies voluntary mental health services volunteering Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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