Troubled Waters | Stories from the narrative research project

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Troubled Waters

Published: September 2005

This story contains examples of how the local mental health drop-in centre, local groups (mental health and non-mental health), medical professionals, and personal development courses have helped in recovery.

With depression and anxiety you can be great on Monday, but terrible on Wednesday; then you can be great on Thursday and terrible on Saturday. That's
how it works; it fluctuates.

It's taken me five years to try and understand anxiety and depression - my doctors have even admitted to me that they don't know how to cure it because they don't know where it comes from. It feels like you're going round in circles sometimes. I can get a bit frustrated with it, but I now know a few things that help.

I know not to add to my anxiety by getting too wound up about things. Keeping motivated and doing things is important but so is maintaining a balance in my life and not getting obsessive; also, and the Doctors agree with me, accepting that there is no one solution to the problem.

I became ill over a period of seven years. There was a horrendous situation at my work where I was being asked to do tasks, and even train others in them, that I hadn't been trained for. I wasn't supported and it left me with anxiety and depression. Eventually they washed their hands of me. I can see now that work used to be too much of my life, but they still treated me very badly. When work was taken away from me, my confidence was taken away as well. I ended up sitting in my house for a year.

I think the first step on my recovery was going to a local mental health drop-in centre, which got me out of the house. A year later I started going to this other project. They didn't focus too much on mental health and there were also people there with physical disabilities. They let you be your own person and didn't judge you. I thought it was great that people would actually come up and ask you to get involved in things - someone was actually taking an interest in you, and you weren't just sitting around not doing anything.

I got involved in Art, Drama, and banner making. I had never done drawing in my life before, I just hadn't been interested in it, but now I found it quite therapeutic, it helped to push the negative thoughts to the back of my mind and also gave me a wee break from the symptoms. It opened up a totally new door and a new direction. The fact that it meant learning different skills also helped. I've learned something I wasn't aware I could do and that's been a big boost to my recovery.

With the groups I’ve also learned to cope by talking to other people and through them I became close to someone who is now my girlfriend. Finding somebody like her has been great, because it allows me to talk through things with someone who understands, as she has experienced mental illness herself. Just having that support means I don't feel so isolated, and we can help each other through any difficult problems.

My last doctor was very good and understanding but I feel doctors generally have been restricted and are a bit helpless. Antidepressants haven't worked for me and some of the side effects have been horrendous. Turning up at the doctor’s door every four weeks, you begin to feel as if you have to justify your being ill and you begin to lose confidence in yourself.

So I have had to help myself - I actually feel like I'm a psychiatric nurse sometimes! I've been to classes for depression and anxiety management, read books and had lots of information given to me about anxiety and depression - I've got reams of it in the house on things like how to cope with feelings of isolation. Sometimes I go back and read them again to refresh my memory, though reading something and putting it into practice are two different things.

Trying to explain to people how the illness affects your everyday life is really hard. I now give talks about what's happened to me, to try and help people or prevent them from getting ill and to highlight the problems, especially in the workplace. I try to take as many chances as I can; the first time I did it, last year, was really nerve-wracking, but it was a great experience. It helps to voice your opinion, because depression can make you feel as if you don't want to do that. It's also therapeutic for your confidence, and you feel as if you're contributing something. It gives me a big boost and the routine of preparing to go places also helps.

I'd like to go that final step to total recovery, as I'm not yet able to control the anxiety. I'm trying homeopathic medication and the doctors are now giving me counselling. It's sometimes a case of muddling through but I'm quite positive.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.