The Evolutionary Jigsaw | Stories from the narrative research project

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The Evolutionary Jigsaw

Published: December 2005

This story shows how being able to take risks, being in charge of one’s own life and taking physical exercise have been important to recovery.

I have been in hospital 13 times. It took seven years before I got the correct diagnosis, seven years before I was at least given a chance. I’ve got bipolar disorder which can mean I am sometimes in hospital, but now the fact that I am ill holds no fears. For me, recovery is an ongoing process. What has made me more confident about the future is that I know I’ve got an illness, but I can do something about it.

Getting a diagnosis helped. It at least gave me the chance to say, “I agree with this diagnosis”, and it gave me a starting point to work forward from. What held me back most of these years was inappropriate medication. It kept me trapped. Finding the right medication for myself was a huge step in my quest to live a productive life, although simply taking the medication wasn’t enough. I had reached a level where I realised that I needed to do something to move on. It was as if a spark of life had finally broken through.

For me, being allowed to take risks and being in charge of keeping myself well has played a major part in my recovery journey. Many things, and many people, have helped me on the way. For example, my community psychiatric nurse (CPN) was supportive throughout and encouraged me to apply for benefits, which took away the pressure of having to find work while I wasn’t really well enough.

In the early stages I didn’t feel as if I could contact other people about my illness. The accepted way to behave seemed to be not to mention it to anybody and to pretend it just didn’t exist. A big step towards getting in touch with people again was joining the Bipolar Fellowship and a local self-help group. Being able to see others live productive lives and sharing ways of coping with the condition has really made a difference. You begin to think, “Well I am just another human being, I might be able to do that, I can do that.” Besides the help and encouragement that I’ve received through being in touch with these user groups new avenues of information have opened up to me. Before I was diagnosed, lack of information was part of the problem. In this regard the Internet has also been a big boost.

Exercise has become one of my main coping strategies: it’s not just the exercise, it’s the freedom of the outdoors as well. A big step in my recovery process was joining a hill walking club. Nobody knew that I’d been in hospital about a dozen times and I was just accepted as one of the other hill walkers. That experience helped me realise that perhaps other people don’t have such happy lives, even though they don’t have a mental illness or anything like that. It’s not us and them; it’s more that everybody has good and bad things in their life.

I am also seeking mental stimulation in a variety of ways - taking on something new certainly provides mental stimulation. For example, I play a major part in running the local self-help group and I am on the management board of a Scottish mental health organisation. But I have no plans to go into full time employment just now; I’m happy to be well, to be able to think and to be able to do what I want to do. There was a point last year when I was thinking about declaring to the Department of Work and Pensions that I wouldn’t need benefits anymore, but I ended up in the hospital about two or three weeks later. Although the voluntary work I am doing right now is new and rewarding and I can see the impact it’s having, I think I need to keep a lid on the amount of work that I’m doing. I feel every setback gives me tools to tackle what’s thrown at me in the future. It’s like pieces in a jigsaw that I can make use of the next time.

Over the years I’ve realised that support services can do too much as well as too little. I have learned to recognize when to stop my reliance on the support of professionals. If I hadn’t taken risks to get well in the past, I might still be in a sort of low-level state. I might have had only one spell in hospital rather than a dozen, but I doubt I would be where I’m at today. Staying well might be an ongoing struggle, but I am committed to making it happen.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.