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Stories Narrative research project stories Paving My Own Way
Stories Narrative research project stories Paving My Own Way
Paving My Own Way |
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advocacy | employment (+) | herbal remedies | homeopathy | massage | money | physical health | post traumatic stress | self help | self knowledge/learning/growth | self management | sense of self | support from friends | supportive spouse/partner | taking control | talking therapies | trauma
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Published: December 2005 This story shows how self-trust, self-awareness and maintaining control over one’s life has impacted on recovery. Recovery to me feels like a process that began long before I became ‘unwell’. I had been having some difficulties remembering things and I was seeing a therapist. I was getting on with life. Then suddenly one day I was at work, and the next I was living a horror. My life turned upside down and a long, deeply harrowing journey began. I feel it’s important to say this, because often the background to recovery is not told. From the outset I was keen to avoid conventional psychiatric approaches. Psychiatry tends, I believe, to focus mostly on symptom control and suppression. Though distressing and disabling, I have always thought of my symptoms as ‘allies’ even when things are most difficult. The symptoms, which arose from systematic and prolonged childhood trauma, gave me ‘clues’ - like a kind of road map – towards recovery, alongside staying involved with what is good in my life. I knew that I needed to work with my symptoms in order to get better. As my needs and strengths evolve over time, I feel I am becoming much better at knowing how to manage those times when things are difficult. My route to recovery has primarily been through a combination of talking therapies and massage. I have also accessed other kinds of complementary remedies at different times, for example, homeopathy and herbal remedies. For me, paying attention to what’s happening in my body is very important to becoming well again. After a while, I also read people’s personal stories and I used a range of self-help guides. I sometimes still do, but with a different focus now. I first became unwell about twelve years ago and I was unable to work for two years. Since then I have been able to work part time, despite ongoing symptoms. At first I was jittery, sensitive to noise, light and easily startled, and I felt the last place I needed to be was a busy psychiatric ward. My GP was my only contact with the NHS and he has been very supportive throughout. I think sometimes there can be confusion between getting better and being symptom free. It is often during the times when I have had the most PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms that I have achieved greater gains in recovery. For example, when new memories are surfacing my speech may be affected, but once I get through the difficult patches I am better than before. My long-term recovery has been a stepwise process. Relationships of trust have been central and it takes time for trust to build up. It has been important to be able to do things at my own pace, to have choice and continuity in those I work with for therapeutic reasons, and also to make changes if something isn’t working. I know from previous nursing experience that some of the doctors in psychiatry tend to move on every 12 months or so. Controlling the pace of my recovery has meant I have been able to take things forward, then draw back a bit and have some space and time to absorb things and not feel pushed. This has enabled me to stay in work and gradually build up my strength and well-being. Being able to access skilled support from people who know about the kinds of experience I have had has helped me to manage and plan my journey over the past twelve years. Working with people who believe that we have a natural capacity for self-healing has fuelled my confidence, along with my own belief in my recovery. But I think what for me has been most important, absolutely without question, was the person who was my partner at the time I first became unwell. This person was, and still is, hugely supportive, beyond any words I can say. I don’t think I would have been able to avoid the psychiatric system if I hadn’t had such a high level of support. My close friends have also been very consistent in their support and friendship even when my symptoms have gone on for a long time. Being able to see friends and continue to be recognised and met with respect has meant a great deal to me. Because I have chosen a path outside of mainstream mental health services I have had to pay for all of my therapy. I lived on benefits for two years and I had to sell my home. The person who was my manager when I became unwell was very sensitive and supportive and that helped enormously. I now work nearly full time again as an advocacy worker. An employment support worker has helped me negotiate my working hours so that I can still attend counselling sessions when I need to. I find it helpful to work in an environment where it’s okay to be ‘out’ about having experience of mental health difficulties and where there’s a positive attitude. I think personal experience and insight can be a powerful asset and I believe I have been able to bring valuable awareness and openness into the work that I do. I hope people may take something from this. In the early stages I thought that the answers to my recovery lay outside of me. But now I see recovery more as a personal journey of discovery and I am much better at trusting my own instincts and paying attention to feelings instead of suppressing or trying to contain them. The route to recovery is not a straight line. And in my experience this may mean going off in directions that might not look all that productive at the time. But I don’t give myself a hard time about this anymore; I just try to trust myself. I have brought a lot of strength, courage and creativity to my own recovery and I think this is true for everyone who embarks on a similar journey. This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net. If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story Tags
activism community/socialising/inclusion coping strategies creativity depression employment (+) exercise female hospital male medication medication (-) peer support (informal) and befriending seeing things differently self knowledge/learning/growth self management sense of self support from family support from friends support from mental health professionals supportive spouse/partner taking control talking therapies voluntary mental health services volunteering Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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