Know your Enemy | Stories from the narrative research project

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Know your Enemy

Published: November 2005

This story shows how supportive relationships with their spouse, friends, the church community and God can help in recovery.

I became ill because I had two bereavements and a divorce within three years, and there were other things tied up with that. My two sons died, and both deaths were totally unexpected. Had I not had God in my life, I would have killed myself because of what I’ve been through. If I'm having a bad day I usually try to pray, because that works, and I believe I will see my sons again in heaven when I die. My new husband is very good because he’ll talk to me, and try and talk me through it. He’s been the other stabilising influence in my life.

By the time I was finished with my divorce, as far as I was concerned I was useless. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t keep a house tidy, I couldn’t bring up children, I was just on the rubbish heap. My ex-husband was a perfectionist and I was never good enough for him, which left me with a lack of belief in myself.

I still struggle with that, but my new husband has helped me with it. He's very good because he'll talk to me and is very patient. I am stronger and my recovery has moved on by leaps and bounds since meeting him. He and others have been positive about me and that helps my recovery because someone says, “Oh you did that really well” or “That was good!” and that really helps. I find that sharing with someone makes you feel better, because you know that they are taking time to listen to you. That may sound selfish, but that’s one of the things about sharing with friends. Also, when you talk to somebody, sometimes you realise something that you haven’t realised before and it’s maybe something positive, which is helpful. As is knowing that there’s somebody there that you can go and say, “I’m feeling really miserable, give me a hug!”

The support that I had from people at church has also helped. I don’t mean this against my husband, but sometimes it’s better to talk to somebody else. He’s wonderful, but because he’s not the boys’ father, he doesn’t understand.

I also had other friends who were out-with the church but were also Christians, and they were just there for me. I didn’t even have to call on them, they all just appeared and I didn’t see it as interfering. The thing that I found easiest was when people would say to me, “I’m here if you need me” which meant I could go to them in my own time; nobody forced me. I didn’t talk enough in the early days. I think a counselling session would have helped or seeking out more people to talk to, but I’m much more open now.

Keeping busy is important. I find that if I do nothing I brood, and I have to try and avoid that. My husband likes going out so we usually get up and go into town. It's not being so busy that the day disappears and you don’t know what you’ve done, but even if you just walk the streets and window shop for a couple of hours, it takes your mind off it, and that helps.

I enjoy photography and I’ve recently started writing poetry, and short stories, and joined a writers club with my husband. It helps because it gets feelings out and is a way of expressing things. My GP has given me medication, and I agree with him that it probably makes you see things in a rosier light.

I used to be a nurse so I know about depression. I think getting to know your 'enemy' is part of the battle, and once you know your enemy you can maybe not defeat or conquer him, but at least you can temporarily disable him. It has helped me to get to know my triggers and what to avoid and how to cope with people saying certain things.

Recovery is a long, slow process and it can't be hurried.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

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