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Stories Narrative research project stories Journey Through the Darkness
Stories Narrative research project stories Journey Through the Darkness
Journey Through the Darkness |
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cognitive therapy | coping strategies | ect | hospital | relaxation techniques | self knowledge/learning/growth | self management | service provider | support from mental health professionals
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Published: September 2005 This story explores how a day hospital, medical professionals, ECT and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be helpful in recovery. I was in hospital for the first time in 2000, then I was discharged and sent to the day hospital. There I was put under the wing of the charge nurse who knows me like a book now. I know when that stops I will find it really difficult because she is a really big part of my life. I go to her if I have a problem, usually once a week, twice if it’s really bad. She was the first person I learnt to lean on in my life. It had always been the other way round. Through my work I had been the supporter and the carer and not let anybody else know. The nurse said five years ago, when I first met her, I would tell people nothing. She has managed to open up my means of communication I guess, and helped me trust people again. One of the learning curves through the professional help, I can now realise my trigger points, what is setting off my mental health condition. I can phone people if necessary which, in the past I wouldn’t do. If I became really low at night and suicidal I have people to talk to. I can talk about that sort of thing now, but in the past I never shared it with anybody. It makes a big difference. I definitely couldn’t have managed it without professional help and for years I had hidden how I felt. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist; I needed some psychology input when I did the cognitive behaviour therapy. It has been really beneficial, I’ve learnt a lot about turning negatives into positives. CBT has been a help, definitely. I have also learned relaxation techniques, which I have found really helpful. I have had to learn not to be ashamed of my illness. I’m not the only one. I definitely was ashamed but people around me understand or are beginning to understand, so that’s great. I couldn’t have managed without medication, which I hate taking, and I couldn’t have managed without ECT. The first set of ECT I don’t remember giving permission for. I was told by my daughter that if I hadn’t had it they would have sectioned me, but I don’t remember. On emergency admission to hospital my daughter said I just lay in bed not eating, washing, or communicating with anyone. This I do not remember at all. When you’re on the ward you see this and you think, “Gosh they are really ill” you don’t know you have been there yourself and that is really frightening. The first ECT I had actually did me quite a lot of good. The second lot was last summer time when I was in and they gave me 9, but unfortunately I started to get terrible shakes. They weren’t sure why I couldn’t stop shaking. I would have liked to have more ECT but they couldn’t because they were frightened it may upset me in some way. I would have more ECT as it definitely helped. Some people, when they come out of their ECT, just come through and have a cup of tea, but I need to have a lie down for a couple of hours. Once the sessions were all over my mood definitely picked up. Unfortunately, my memory has been affected and I have lost a little of my short-term memory - that is the risk you take with ECT, but I’m told it will come back slowly. Although I hated the hospital sometimes, I’ve been near going back in again on different occasions and I’ve said I didn’t want to go. I thought I shouldn’t be here, I felt really shameful. I met clients I worked with in there and I had to explain to them that I too could get ill. As a support worker, that for me was a really really big admission. It is alright for everybody else to have a mental health problem but it’s not alright for me. I am on DLA now, it does make a difference, but it wasn’t through anybody telling me to apply. I went on the Internet and it actually tells you the best way to fill it in from the mental health side because it’s not clear. I’ve actually had to apply for it again just now. I have tried to go back to work before and applied for jobs but fortunately didn’t get them because I couldn’t deal with getting ill again. I’ve got to be very careful this time. I’ve had a partner for 2 years. He understands my illness now, but he said it’s only recently. He works in the care profession as well but only recently he's had to do some work with people with mental health difficulties. He now understands, but there is a need for so much education isn’t there? I think this is what it is all about. People need to be educated about the stigma, however it won’t happen overnight. Like yourself, love yourself. Recovery is all about building up your self-esteem, which is what I’ve done through the self-esteem groups and talking to people. Definitely talk to people, not just the professionals, just somebody you can trust. Talking helps to unburden what's inside you, but that takes time. Don’t shut yourself away. When you’re ready to find some work of some kind, do some voluntary work, it will help you meet people and find support. This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net. If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story Tags
activism community/socialising/inclusion coping strategies creativity depression employment (+) exercise female hospital male medication medication (-) peer support (informal) and befriending seeing things differently self knowledge/learning/growth self management sense of self support from family support from friends support from mental health professionals supportive spouse/partner taking control talking therapies voluntary mental health services volunteering Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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