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Stories Narrative research project stories Ignoring the Red Light
Stories Narrative research project stories Ignoring the Red Light
Ignoring the Red Light |
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coping strategies | depression | employment (-) | obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd) | panic attack | professional | self knowledge/learning/growth | self management | stigma/discrimination | stress
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Published: February 2006 This story illustrates how employment and attitudes of employers and fellow colleagues can impact on recovery. I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist and consequently drove myself too hard and had a tendency to be over-conscientious. The psychiatrist has recently given me a diagnosis of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), which makes a lot of sense looking back. His explanation of how that condition works has helped me to deal with it better. I worked through two previous bouts of stress and depression but this is the first time that I have been forced to take time off work in a 29 year career - latterly as a senior manager with the local authority. Unfortunately I didn’t take enough notice of the warning signs that were in evidence 9 months before my breakdown and, although I tried to tell my employers something was wrong, I didn’t do so forcefully enough with the result that they too ignored the warning signs. I have always been very dedicated to my job and my employers took advantage of that to such an extent that I was carrying 3 people’s workloads at the time of my breakdown last year. When I first went off work in Jan 2004, I had a totally unrealistic idea of how long recovery might take. I’ve been unable to work for the past year and a half and I’m certainly not there yet in terms of recovery, but there are small signs of improvement such as the frequency and severity of the panic attacks reducing. Learning to manage the panic attacks is something I am working on with the psychiatrist. He and I got off to a bit of a rocky start, but now I feel good after seeing him whereas before I used to feel bad. He has helped to separate things out for me so I can identify what triggers the attacks and how I can control them. Although I avoid talking about my health with my friends, they’ve noticed that I’m more relaxed and not as quiet as I was, and my sense of humour is coming back. My partner was off work for a while herself, and since she went back to work I miss her company round the house during the day. But it’s helped financially her being back at work because I’m not getting sick pay anymore and I do worry about money. I try to put a bit of structure and routine into the day, such as watching the news at 12 noon just to punctuate what is quite a long, lonely day (5.30 am – 1.30am). I don’t have enough motivation yet to exercise although I have been fit in the past, and going out at all is still a bit of an ordeal. I feel very cut off from what is going on in the workplace. No one makes any attempt to keep me informed of what’s going on now that I feel well enough to read the odd thing. You feel astonishingly isolated. Unless you’ve been in this position yourself you’re not going to understand what it feels like. People don’t understand that you can’t put a date on your return to work, which can make employers very frustrated. Unfortunately I have even been threatened with redundancy at HR meetings. I was lucky enough to be fast-tracked into the occupational health system and to access support from a psychologist because of my seniority and knowledge of the system from the other side (as a senior manager). The Union have also been extremely supportive; my employers, however, have rewarded me for my loyalty and hard work by kicking me in the teeth and questioning whether I am really ill and requiring long-term sick leave. I have a lot of other skills that do not relate to my former job and I am working towards building up my confidence and fitness sufficiently to have at least a phased return to work of some sort. I always get depressed on a Monday because I’m not going to work, but hopefully I’ll get back one day. This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net. If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story Tags
activism community/socialising/inclusion coping strategies creativity depression employment (+) exercise female hospital male medication medication (-) peer support (informal) and befriending seeing things differently self knowledge/learning/growth self management sense of self support from family support from friends support from mental health professionals supportive spouse/partner taking control talking therapies voluntary mental health services volunteering Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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