Hope Spring is Eternal | Stories from the narrative research project

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Hope Spring is Eternal

Published: February 2006

This story highlights how volunteering and employment have been important factors in recovery.

I have emerged from a very black place. I went from somebody who was in secure employment, in a long term relationship, with a mortgage and a car, and wife and kids and all that kind of thing, to somebody who had fallen out with family members, lost all friends and colleagues, and ended up unemployed and homeless. I had reached this point through progressive episodes of my depressive illness and a number of negative life events. I was pretty suicidal when I was depressed, not just on one, but a couple of occasions. The irony of it all was that I have worked in the field of mental health for the last 20 years. I was in a position where you would think that you could apply some of the theory to yourself, but you can’t. It has been a long journey and I have now regained my quality of life, my confidence, the will to live, and the feeling that I am making a contribution to things.

One of the big factors in recovery is having a network of friends and family. I was very isolated. I stayed in an isolated cottage in the middle of nowhere and I didn’t have much contact with friends and family whatsoever. At one point I didn’t receive a phone call in my house for six weeks! I tried to contact people and, without saying it in so many words, tried to get over to them the fact that I was contacting them particularly because at that time I needed them to be more prominent in my life than they were being. Although I had put some feelers out, there wasn’t much of a response. They obviously weren’t picking up the cues I was giving them; either they didn’t want to or I wasn’t making it clear enough. There is of course also the problem that some people don’t really understand mental health problems and feel that, because it’s not something they understand or have much knowledge of, they can’t help or might even make things worse. But in many circumstances all you need is somebody to listen. It’s not that you are looking to them to find a solution for you. You are just looking to them to be there and listen and just kind of help you work through things yourself, because in many ways people’s recovery is self-driven. They just need people along the way, people that support them and point in the right direction.

There were days when I would just sit in the house all day in front of the TV and the whole day would pass and nothing would have changed. But there were other days which were slightly better where I could sit and think, “right, rather than sitting here in the house by myself, which isn’t going to improve anything, what can I do?” I was thinking, is there anything that people could do for me that will kind of help me move on even a tiny little bit? Even if it’s just somebody that’s going to come once a week to take you out for a pint or something like that. It can be something simple, it doesn’t necessarily have to be something big. All these tiny little things can build up and can start you on your route to recovery. For example, one thing I did when I started to feel a bit better was, I went to speak to a person that I knew through work and it just so happened that they had an admin worker who resigned at short notice. I arranged to come in and do it on a voluntary basis, and therefore it was my first kind of reconnection with the world of work and it brought my confidence up a little bit.

For me, having professional experience in mental health certainly helped in the initial stages of recovery. I was receiving medicine, I got electro convulsive therapy, I was receiving psychotherapy and I eventually got better. Because I knew the language that I needed in order to communicate my situation, I still retained enough assertiveness to be able to say, “this is what is wrong, and this is what I want”. I didn’t want to be a passive recipient of care, there needed to be that balance of power. Having worked in mental health doesn’t mean you can necessarily see a way out of your own issues. It just means that you’ve got a better idea of what the tools are that you need in your toolkit to try and sort things out.

Regaining employment was really important for me. My job was not just something that filled my time, I am passionate about mental health. Work is also one of the main ways through which I develop a social and a support network. I am not somebody who is still in contact with people from previous employment really or from school or university. I tend to meet people through work. When I was trying to find a job again I was really quite up front about the fact that I have experienced mental health problems. I think is a good stance to take; however, I understand why people do hide it because there are definitely employers who discriminate. A lot of people who have experienced mental health problems, and who are open and upfront about it, work for mental health organisations because mental health organisations are often the only ones that don’t discriminate. In my view it’s better to be open about it than to be quiet, because if you are open you can try and do something about the false attitudes that the general public has about mental health issues.

Being with somebody has been very important step in my later stages of recovery. Having a partner is really important to my emotional well-being. Having a bit of a work-life balance as well is really important. I am really passionate about my work but there is also the danger of volunteering for too much. I had to learn to keep that balance.

I have greatly benefited from having experienced mental ill health and having worked for both the statutory and the voluntary sector. I can look at the care that I’ve received from both sides of the service fence. I have learned that awareness and information is absolutely key. I used to work as a registered mental health nurse in a hospital, and then I moved into working in the voluntary sector. When I was working in the voluntary sector I thought, if I had all this information when I was a nurse I could have helped people by saying, “Ok we are discharging you from hospital but there is this group, and there is this organisation that can support you once you are out there.” But because I didn’t have those tools when I was a nurse the quality of care, particularly post-discharge from NHS care, probably wasn’t as good as it could have been. As the person who is ill, you can never tell if there is going to be one factor which will be major in your recovery. Therefore, if you have access to as many treatments as possible then you are going to have the greatest chance of finding the thing that’s going to be the right thing for you. There isn’t a kind of procedure like there is for a broken leg, to set it and then for it to mend; everybody is individual, different treatments work for different people. People have different life experiences up to the point where they became ill, and that needs to be addressed in different ways.

I have come a far way. I am now back to being in a stable relationship, in a full-time employment, having a place to stay, having kids, having friends and work colleagues. For the past 5 years I have been working in anti-stigma and discrimination work. My advice to anybody with mental health problems is, no matter how long you’ve been ill, no matter how hellish the symptoms of your illness are, or the negative effects of your medication, or the consequences that your illness has had on your life, there is always something to live for. There is always a potential for you to recover and there is always a quality of life that you can strive for.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.