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Stories Narrative research project stories Hiding While Seeking
Stories Narrative research project stories Hiding While Seeking
Hiding While Seeking |
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bipolar disorder (manic depression) | creativity | employment (+) | hospital | isolation | medication | negative attitudes of service providers | nervous breakdown | psychosis | statutory mental health services (+)
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Published: September 2005 This story highlights how diagnosis, proper treatment, and support from mental health services have influenced recovery. It is quite possible for someone with a serious mental health problem like me to visit their GP for years and years without their illness being looked at by a consultant. The reassurance coming back to the patient from the GP is non-existent. I ended up very confused about myself and how I saw the world. This went on for more than twenty years, during which I found it hard to maintain relationships with friends, partners and family. It was impossible to choose and sustain a career. This changed in 1994 when I had a nervous breakdown. My brother had terminal brain cancer and things in our family were very difficult. I was admitted to the secure ward of a psychiatric hospital and had a further admission some months later. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Mood Disorder and started treatment with lithium. Back home “in the community” my life was quite tough. My parents and brother who was increasingly ill had moved to the city where he had gone to university and had friends. I lived in a bed-sit, which was damp and had no phone. I felt isolated, having recently broken up from my partner. The little understanding I had came from my community psychiatric nurse. I continued to hold down my job but had lost a lot of confidence and self-esteem due to having behaved hypo-manically and very embarrassingly there before my breakdown, due to being hypo-manic for several days. I managed to get a place at a local college almost a year after going back to work. However, I had to take a year out six months after starting it when I was again admitted to hospital with psychosis. I have had a long battle with my illness, which I would hesitate to call recovery. After more than ten years on lithium and other prescribed drugs and lots of contact with different levels of the mental health services, I am now a stronger person who still gets ill and who still has access to these services on a regular basis. Apart from support from the mental health services, I have found work and art to be very beneficial to me. I was unemployed from finishing college in 1998 to starting part-time work in 2003, but I always did a range of voluntary work which I often found tough, but at least it got me amongst people. Since 2003, I have worked for 20 hours a week and come off incapacity benefit. I have a very nice colleague who helped me build my skills and keep going when the going got tough. All my life I have been drawn to art. I started joining in what was on offer locally about five years ago. I find I am gradually increasing my abilities in art. In the last few weeks, I have been offered a place to do a part-time, 2-year art course at a local college. I hope I will be able to do this alongside my job. I could tell you a lot about awful things that have happened to me while I was ill before diagnosis, but I don’t think that would help you. Since I have been diagnosed and started with the treatment and support available, my life has changed for me a great deal. I sometimes tell myself that we humans have not evolved to be happy but to survive. If you say survival of the fittest, I would answer - society may have decided whom to deem the fittest, but attitudes can change. This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net. If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss. Click here to go back to previous page |
Story Tags
activism community/socialising/inclusion coping strategies creativity depression employment (+) exercise female hospital male medication medication (-) peer support (informal) and befriending seeing things differently self knowledge/learning/growth self management sense of self support from family support from friends support from mental health professionals supportive spouse/partner taking control talking therapies voluntary mental health services volunteering Story disclaimer
The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure. See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.
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