Go with the Flow | Stories from the narrative research project

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Go with the Flow

Published: February 2006

This story shows how volunteering and contributing to the community impacts on recovery.

It was about two years ago that I started to feel that I was getting better. It certainly wasn’t like “oh goodness I’ve recovered” but there was light at the end of the tunnel and there was a future. I had been going to a local drop-in centre for a few years, just eating biscuits and drinking coffee, and I had kind of got into that mindset that that was all that was available to me. I would say my recovery started when I was referred to the Scotia Club House. I was actually quite reluctant to go at first cause I thought, “och it will just be another drop in place” but then I was surprised how different their approach to mental health was.

A big step towards recovery was getting my housing situation sorted out. I was in really bad housing; I was being harassed and victimised, and nobody was really doing anything about it. I got referred to the housing support projects of our local mental health association and they got me the flat that I am in now. For the first time in my life I had peace of mind. It was so nice not to have to fear having my door kicked in or the fear of somebody shouting through the letterbox or putting things through the door. It was such a relief to be able to go home and say, “Right this is my front door I can shut it, I’ve got peace and quiet.” That was what really started the route to recovery. For the first time it was my house and it was my space and there wasn’t any baggage. It was a place where nobody knew me, nobody knew that I had mental health problems, nobody knew who I was, and I was just a person who had moved into this flat. It wasn’t, “Here is this person with mental health problems living in this house.” It’s actually been a complete change. I feel a part of the new community that I am in. I go to the local shops and people say, “Oh hello how are you?” and, “How are you doing?” They just know me as a person, they don’t know me as a person with a mental health problem. I still receive some support from the housing project, but not to a major extent. It’s just good to know that if anything happens, they could come in fairly quickly. The support is flexible, so it’s not intrusive, it’s not, “Right, we are going to come up every Tuesday at ten o’clock,” or whatever, it’s like, “If you need us we are there,” and that is great.

It was also through the mental health association that I got my benefits maximised and that has given me a better quality of life. Obviously I don’t want to be on benefits all my life but for the moment it allows me not to have to worry about paying my bills. I am also diabetic so it has enabled me to buy better food. I was living on very basic benefits and that meant I was living on tinned food and fast food basically. I had quite a severe problem with binge eating for a long time. There were times when I was eating myself sick and then going for days without food. Part of that recovery was therapy, to find out why I was doing this and how to cope with it. Now food isn’t the enemy anymore. Getting more benefits not only means that I am able to eat more healthily but also means I am able to go out. For example, I am now able to afford to go to the cinema, if somebody asks me. I even dress a lot better, I don’t look quite so thrown together anymore.

And then from there other things came along. I could go out during the day and know that my house was safe. I could do a lot of other things that kind of kept me well. I still attend the Scotia Club House two days a week. I’ve started working again on a voluntary basis. I still don’t feel quite ready for paid work. I did have an experience of paid work and it stressed me out a bit. I thought I was ready for it but I wasn’t quite. The people I do the voluntary work for are very understanding. If I do have a day where I feel unwell, then I can leave early or I can phone in and say, “I’m not coming in today.” I really enjoy my voluntary work. Certainly having somewhere to go, having kind of a focus, feeling productive, even if it’s just like a few hours twice a week, makes you feel good. I think those things together, along with medication, keep me well. I’ve got a place to go which is supportive and positive. I know that if there is any trouble, or if I am feeling a bit down, then there are people that I can talk to.

I used to describe myself as ‘the paranoid’, ‘the depressive’ whatever. I don’t do that now. I don’t deny that I have mental health problems but at the same time it’s not like the be-all and end-all. At the drop-in centre people were always talking about their illness all the time and it was kind of self-limiting. I ended up just going to one occupational therapy session after the other; there is nothing wrong with OT sessions, but I really got fed up with making my trees and stools. I did want to make something a bit more positive and a bit more challenging. If the Scotia Club House hadn’t come along when it did, I’d probably still be sitting in the drop-in doing something kind of passive. I had just gotten into that mindset.

At the Scotia Club House people focus on your abilities. You are treated as a person, as someone who has the right to say no, and who has the right to be respected for saying that. I think a lot of the time it can almost be as if you speak a different language, it’s like as if you are saying no in Latin. My GP has been quite good in this regard. He does sort of say, “Ok we’ve tried this and it’s not working let’s try something else,” It’s just about having, not power that’s the wrong kind of word, but just having respect that I know what works for me. It’s about having that discussion, “Let’s try something else.”

I think part of recovery is being honest as well. Not going out there and just saying, as soon as you meet somebody, “Oh, I’ve got a mental health problem,” but when you are getting to know somebody saying, “This is the situation, this is what’s happening and this is how it’s been.” I always kind of stress the fact that I am in recovery. Of course people can be quite nasty or they just don’t contact you anymore. But you should think that maybe these are not the people that you want to be associating with anyway. People’s attitudes towards mental health still shock me. If you had a broken arm people would say, “Oh that’s a shame, what can we do for you? Can we help you in any way?” But if you’ve got a mental health problem it’s like, “I really don’t want to know,” or, “Oh we can’t deal with it.” In the past people have really thought that I was totally mad. I had a policeman up in my old house one day because I had been broken into, and he said, “I believe you have mental health problems,” and I went, “Oh yes I have, otherwise I wouldn’t have a support worker.” And he said, “Well I find it very difficult to believe ‘cause you’ve got a set of Mozart records in your collection. People with mental health problems don’t listen to Mozart.” A thing I do now is to go out to schools to teach mental health awareness with a member of staff from the mental health association; it’s quite challenging.

I’ve gone from almost inertia to being slightly too busy. I have been on the board of directors of our local mental health association for three years. I even went to New York last year for a three week colleagues training with the Scotia Club House. I had never been on a plane and it was the first time I had ever travelled overseas. It was quite scary because I had never ever wanted to leave home before. But people just said to me, “You should go,” and, “You are capable of going,” and I felt quite supported.

I am much more positive now than I used to be. I mean there are still days when I want to cry my eyes out, days when I want to stay in my bed all day and just pull the duvet over; I call them my duvet days. My strategy is now to tell myself to get up, to leave the house, to go to the Club House and to do the things that I have to do. By the end of the day it’s like a sense of achievement. One thing that my psychologist said to me is, “If you don’t take care of yourself and you don’t value yourself who else is going to?” I have learned that you have to look after yourself. I have learned to take a break, to say, “Right, I am taking 20 minutes to have a cup of coffee downstairs in the café,” and the world isn’t going to fall apart if you do that. People aren’t going to give you a row for doing that.

My advice is to go with the flow. There will be times when it is two steps forward but one step back, and it is important to remember that it is different for different folks. Just do it the way you want to do it, because if somebody else says, “I did this to recover,” it doesn’t mean to say it works for you. And you might have to try two or three different things, but you will find a way for you. I have had setbacks during the recovery but it’s important to say, “Ok, this hasn’t worked, try something else.” Get as much support as you can. Don’t try and do it yourself, because at times you just need that wee bit of encouragement, just somebody to say, “Right, ok, let’s just go that wee bit further.” My mother used to walk a great deal, never took a bus or anything. She said, “If you just look back and think how far we’ve walked.” And that’s the kind of strategy that I have used. Look how far I’ve come!

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

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