Glass Half Full | Stories from the narrative research project

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Glass Half Full

Published: December 2005

This story illustrates how creativity and having a positive attitude can influence recovery.

Throughout my life I’ve had depressive episodes, but usually anti-depressants would get me back to work in six weeks. It was the early eighties before I saw a psychiatrist. After an hour and a half of talking to him he said, “You have manic depression.” Well I knew what depression meant, but I didn’t know what the manic part meant. I know now and I realise that it is as dangerous, if not more dangerous than the depression. When I’m depressed I don’t go out of the house, whereas when I’m on a high I do go out and my behaviour can be unpredictable. I’ve seen three psychiatrists since then and my relationship with the first psychiatrist was rocky. He did get one thing right and that was he said I suffer from hypomania, which is a mild form of manic depression. I saw him for ten years, once a month at the clinic, and he’d always say to me, “And how are we today?” and after ten years I felt like saying, excuse my language, “I’m fucking ill, otherwise I wouldn’t be coming to see you.” But I was too polite. We had disagreements about medications and when I showed him some of my poetry he took offence to it, and when he went to book my next appointment for two months time instead of the following month I thought, that’s it, divorce, I’m wasting his time and he’s wasting my time. But basically I think that psychiatrists are human and can make mistakes, so I changed psychiatrists and I get on much better with the psychiatrists I’ve seen since.

At one point during my trials with medication I ended up on an anti-depressant that put me into a manic mood. I realised I was ill and I went voluntarily to the hospital and spent six weeks up in the psychiatric ward. When I came out I went to a mental health project called the Clubhouse. Its main philosophy is to get your self-esteem back and they can help you get into work as well. The Clubhouse helped me in the early ‘90s, so I owe a lot to the Clubhouse. I’ve sort of moved on from them now but I drop in occasionally.

Now I maintain my recovery through the support of my family and I focus on my poetry and politics. I am actively involved in politics and wrote a poem for the campaign of one of the parties for the last election. My poetry is therapeutic to me. I write poetry when I’m depressed but even more poems when not depressed, it allows me to put my thoughts down in black and white or whatever colour I print it outn on! I’m planning to do a book of my poems, which stretch from 1995 to the present year - political, anti-war, and mental health type bi-polar disorder poems. Bi-polar disorder, that’s what they call manic depression, which I don’t agree with. As far as I’m concerned bi-polar disorder is if you don’t know your north pole from your south pole!

I don’t actually consider myself completely recovered, I feel that it’s like an alcoholic; I’m in ‘remission’ you know, like for a cancer sufferer, I’m in remission…I’ll have this for the rest of my life. But basically, my philosophy is that my glass is half full and not half empty.

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Only the mad can understand the mad and that’s a fact.
The shrinks no matter who they are
can only help with talk and pills and potions,
but unless they’re a member of the lunar crew
they never suss us out completely.
Though those who love and care for us can not be blamed,
they too will never know just what it’s like to be affected.
And so let’s hope, that though we souls can never put outsiders really in the picture
we can at least console each other evermore.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

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