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Gifts of Experience

Published: November 2005

This story contains examples of how support and understanding from a person-centred counsellor and individuals with similar experiences have impacted on recovery.

I think having a nervous breakdown was one of the best things that happened to me because it was a wake-up call, an eye-opener.

I was 25 at the time and in my second year at college. At that stage in my life I had a lot of preconceived ideas and assumptions about many things; growing up I had been given the idea that I needed to get qualifications, a job, a house, get married -all those kinds of things in order to be happy. Also at that point I was in a lot of confusion over my sexuality. I was brought up in quite a strict religious environment and grew up with domestic violence. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life. Five years previously my older brother had drowned and I feel that was the thing that ripped my heart open to life. It made me realise what was important, it made me question things and it made me grow. I’ve got quite a complicated background and all those experiences from my past are tied together into the reason for my nervous breakdown, which has been responsible for turning a lot of the assumptions and ideas I grew up with on their heads.

At college I found I could concentrate less and less and I started panicking. My anxiety level went up and up and eventually I got myself to such a panic that one day I turned to one of the tutors and said, “Something's not right here.” The college responded in quite a positive way. They got me to see a psychiatrist. It took me a long time to get used to her, as I was afraid that if I told her what was going through my head, they might lock me up and throw away the key. At one point the psychiatrist said, ‘The floodgates have opened’; I just started talking about all this stuff – I was rattling it off. The sessions involved taking a really hard look at myself.

Later I met someone who had a different approach and who made a hell of a difference. She was a person-centred counsellor. Instead of lots of questions, which I'd had before from the psychiatrist and in group therapy, both of which where quite intimidating, she said to me, “You tell me what you want to tell me.” I went through a lot with her. She allowed me, for instance, to see that it was natural for me to feel as bad as I did about the death of my brother. Also that my fear of being exploited or taken advantage of wasn't necessarily to do with me, but rather with what had happened in my past. There were times when things were extremely heavy and I was very suspicious of her, but she worked through it with me. I saw her for four years. She left five years ago, but we keep in touch and she's now a personal friend.

A lot of good people have helped and supported me. I've met many at a drop-in centre for people with mental health problems, set up to provide social activities. When I go in there, I usually find somebody who goes, “Yeah, I know what you're talking about; been there, read the book, worn out the t-shirt.” It helps to meet people who have been through situations themselves and who don't slap judgments on me and who listen to what I have to say, and can see where I'm coming from. I'm very grateful for having met such supportive people. They had the understanding but also the kind of interpersonal skills that really helped.

For someone who was put in the bracket of having moderate to severe mental health problems, the centre was often the only place I could go - as you didn't need a referral from a CPN or psychiatrist. They had the philosophy that they weren't going to keep notes on anybody, which was a huge relief for me after my experience with other health professionals. I've now been going for eleven years and there are times when I'm scunnered with the place, but I keep on going back to it.

I realise now that some of the values and concepts that I was brought up with weren't very realistic and I didn't get any satisfaction out of them. In fact, they caused me a lot of misery. My attitudes and views have now changed and I look at things in a different way. Things are not so black and white, and I tend to question things a lot more. In difficult situations, I try to put myself in the place of the other person and to have a bit of give and take with them, understanding that it is only human to make mistakes. When I get anxious, I am able to think about what is causing it and check my perception of the situation. And sometimes I ask other people to help me alter my perception back to a more realistic view. I have learnt that life will throw extreme and extraordinary situations at you over which you have no control. I’ve found personally, that in order to come to a place of acceptance of these situations and their consequences, a time of emotional processing is important.

I find it useful to analyse things, though it can get obsessive - I get to a point where I've analysed things so much that it gets ridiculous and my sense of humour kicks in, and that clicks me back. In fact, a sense of humour has been fundamental to my getting through a lot of things.

I'm now more open to other people and would like to build up my friendships. I'm going back to College and would like to get back to driving. But I accept that I can only do things when I am ready, and can afford to do them. I take the view that in life people are trying to survive and live in the best way that they can with the skills, abilities, knowledge and experiences that they have. Having this view has been very helpful to me in my own recovery. I firmly believe that sometimes your absolute worst moment in life can be your best moment, your strongest moment because you have to call upon all your personal strength and internal resources in order to survive. Such moments can be the greatest educators. Looking into the mouth of my own personal hell had taught me so many skills which I have found useful in trying to survive and live.

This story was written based on this individuals interview for the SRNs narrative research project entitled, 'Recovering Mental Health in Scotland'. More information about the project can be found in the Narrative Research Project section of our website www.scottishrecovery.net.

If you’d like to share your own experience of recovery please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 0141 240 7790 to discuss.

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Story disclaimer

The stories presented here are for information only. They are meant to inspire hope and show that recovery can and does happen. The stories highlight various examples of recovery and we do not advocate any of these experiences as the ‘right’ way to recover. Recovery is an individual and unique process, each person must decide for himself or herself what will work for them. Please carefully consider any decisions you make about your own recovery and consult with someone you trust if you feel unsure.

See our Submit Your Thoughts pages for details on how to submit a story to us or you can contact us.